It was a gorgeous, sunny September Tuesday morning in the Big Apple. I can still remember it vividly. My eyes locked in on beautiful twin towers at a distance down 6th Avenue as the cross-town bus moved through the intersection and dropped me off at my office building across from Radio City Music Hall. It was the second day of my professional career, and as a small town Ohio boy, I was so thrilled to have landed a job in New York City! I had no idea that about an hour later the entire world would change forever. Several days later, I sent a letter to my friends and family about what I experienced in the moments and days after September 11, 2001. On today’s 20th anniversary, I’m sharing the narrative I wrote as a blog post. We will never forget.
I know some of you are very curious about how I have been and what I went through last week. I decided to write a narrative detailing everything I have been through in the past week. It is lengthy, but of course there is a lot to write about.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
6:30am
I began my day like usual, hitting the snooze button several times hoping I could sleep a while longer. I was beginning my second full day of work in my new position. I went through my normal morning routine of getting ready for the day. I put on my khakis and maroon polo shirt and stepped out of my apartment building.
7:30am.
The sky was crystal clear as the sun morning sun was rising. I thought to myself, what a gorgeous day. I picked up a copy of the Wall Street Journal and walked to the bus stop about five blocks away. The local bus took me across town on 49th Street to within two blocks of the UBS PaineWebber building on 6th Avenue. On that particular morning, I happened to look south out of the bus windows as we crossed 6th Avenue. Typical morning rush hour traffic congested the avenue and on the horizon stood two majestic buildings, one a mirror of the other. What a gorgeous view. I arrived at work on the 15th floor anticipating my first weekly meeting as a new member of the municipal derivatives group.
8:30am
The brief meeting ended and I walked back to my desk on the trading floor. The trading floor is an open space about 40 feet wide by 300 feet long that holds about 100 municipal bond traders who trade bonds with investors and other bond traders on Wall Street. About every 20 feet along the all-window south side of the trading floor, a television hangs from the ceiling showing CNBC all day long. Bloomberg screens also sit in front of every trader providing up to the second market data. I sat at my desk sorting emails and wasting some time waiting for some of my superiors to free up and begin handing off assignments. It will take some time before I am up to speed in the group since I am brand new. I was expecting it to be another slow day with much learning and observing.
8:40am
One of my colleagues that sits next to me was on the phone with a bond trader at Cantor Fitzgerald, a large bond trading firm located atop the North Tower of the World Trade Center. A couple minutes into the conversation, he puts down the phone and says, “That is weird, I just got disconnected. I’ll just wait for him to give me a call back.”
I was not prepared for the images and events that followed.
8:45am
The television screen switched from showing market data to images that I will never forget as long as I live. The North Tower of the World Trade Center had a huge chasm on the north side about 20 floors from the top of the building. Bright orange flames and black smoke were billowing out into the once crystal clear blue sky. An airplane had slammed into the World Trade Center. My initial reaction was that the plane had engine failure or some type of mechanical problem. My colleague who had just been cut off minutes earlier became eerily silent. The person he was talking to sat in the direct path of that doomed flight. Everyone on the trading floor immediately paused from what they were doing and fixed their eyes on the television screens. People began asking questions about what just happened. We all wondered what type of aircraft was involved. Initial guesses from others were that it was a prop plane. With a hole that size, I doubted it was a prop plane. News came over Bloomberg that it was the size of a Boeing 737.
9:00am
As we were watching the television still trying to figure the situation out, another plane entered the screen from the bottom right corner. Someone yelled, “There’s another plane!” Another yelled, “I can’t believe this, what is going on?” Terrorists. The time we could see the size of the plane as it swooped from the sky and disappeared behind the North Tower. A huge fireball burst from the corner of the South Tower. The second plane had slammed into the south side of the South Tower. I gasped and placed both hands over my mouth not believing what I just saw. Frightened screams and scared voices could be heard across the floor as people began to think of others who might be in the World Trade Center. I thought to myself that what I just saw was worse than scenes in most movies, and the scenes only became worse.
9:40am
News came across the wire that a plane had slammed into the Pentagon in Washington DC. One horrible thing after another. What could possibly happen next is what I was wondering. Rumors had spread that the planes had been hijacked and there could be more planes headed for other targets. My stomach began to ache deep inside almost as if someone hit me there really hard, and I could sense my adrenaline reacting to what was happening before my eyes. My being scared, my security lost. I picked up the phone knowing my mother would be a nervous wreck if she found out and had not heard from me. I call Storrer Elementary School and asked to speak with my mother. She picked up the phone and I told her that I was find and that I am far away from everything. “What is going on?” she asked. I told her to turn on the television and described the events that had preceded. She thanked me so much for calling. I told her to call my sister and father as well as my other relatives. After hearing about these events, I know my relatives would immediately think of me and wonder if I am alright. I told her I loved her and hung up the phone.
10:00am
Most everyone on the trading floor began calling relatives and friends to let them know they were alright and also some were calling to locate others that work in the World Trade Center. I called my sister to let her know I was fine and as I was speaking with her, the South Tower of the World Trade Center collapsed, plummeting to the streets below. I was in total shock. I saw what was happening but I could not believe it. It wasn’t like when someone tells you a fascinating story and you respond with, “I can’t believe it!” No, I really could not believe it and it would take me about five days to begin to realize this actually happened. This wasn’t the beautiful day I was anticipating when I walked out of my apartment building. The day was shattered. We were still wondering about other hijacked planes that were unaccounted for and were concerned that one could slam into other buildings in New York or some said they could be heading for the Capitol Building. Word came through on the newswire that a plane had crashed in southwest Pennsylvania. We had heard it might have been forced down but we later found out that some brave passengers prevented the hijackers from doing anymore damage. We heard that some passengers on that flight had called loved ones with their cell phones telling them they were hijacked and the loved ones told the passengers that this wasn’t the only hijacked plane. This is when the passengers knew they had to do something. These passengers will forever be heroes. We will never know where that plane was headed, but we do know that these courageous people probably saved many more lives.
10:30am
To add to my disbelief in what was going on, the North Tower collapsed, not only forever changing the landscape of this beautiful city, but changing the many lives who witnessed the collapse and had loved ones in the building. This will change my life forever. Everyone began assessing what companies the World Trade Center contained and we began to be concerned for many brokerage firms, especially Morgan Stanley Dean Witter and Cantor Fitzgerald. I interviewed for Morgan Stanley Dean Witter last fall and believe if I would have been hired, I would have worked on one of the 50 floors the firm occupied. Cantor Fitzgerald was once a 1,000 employees strong. As we learned later, only about 150 employees remain. Many of the bond traders on the trading floor deal have dealt with all of these individuals for a long time on a daily basis. They will never trade with these individuals again.
11:30am
I took out my cell phone because I knew people by this time were trying to contact me. My phone showed that I had messages, but since the network in New York City was impossible to connect to, I had no clue who was trying to contact me. So instead of making multiple phone calls, I decided to send out mass emails to everyone letting them know I was ok. It was the easiest and quickest way to let everyone know. The subject read, “I am ok.” The text read, “Hello everyone – I just wanted to let you know I am alright. My cell phone doesn’t work so I wanted to email everyone. Things here are locked down and will be crazy here for a while. I really can’t believe this. God bless – Cory.” Many people know that I work in New York City for a financial firm and assume that I work near the Financial District near the World Trade Center. I work about 2-3 miles from the World Trade Center, which is probably about 80-90 city blocks.
12:30pm
It was lunchtime and I was starving but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to leave the building so I just didn’t eat. The CEO of UBS PaineWebber came over the loud speaker and encouraged people to leave if they wanted. He said if you live close, those people could walk, but if you lived far away, it would be safer to sit tight in the building and wait for updates on traffic. Immediately after the plane crashes, all bridges, tunnels, ferries, subways, and bus systems were shut down, including all airports across the country. This was the first time ever this had happened. We were locked in New York City.
1:30pm
I consoled some co-workers from my training class who were really shaken up by the devastation. Everyone had stopped working from the moment the disaster began. I needed to go home but was afraid to. My apartment is a half block away from the United Nations Headquarters. Of course the news had reported the U.N. Headquarters had been immediately evacuated once the planes crashed into the World Trade Center. I began asking my co-workers when and if they were going home. Some of them lived outside of Manhattan and could not leave. Another girl lived near me and was frightened to go home because we were so close to the U.N. building. After much debate about whether I would go home with co-workers or go to my apartment, I decided that I would brave it and head to my apartment. I figured that the terrorist’s intentions were to kill many people and since the U.N. building was evacuated, there wouldn’t be any interest in bombing an empty building. Plus, the airspace above New York City was shut down and was being patrolled by fighter jets.
The three of us that lived on the East Side left the UBS PaineWebber building together. Only the side entrances of the building were unlocked because security was heightened in all buildings. As we approached the corner of 6th Avenue, I looked south as I had earlier in the morning. Only this time, the scene was much different. Very few cars occupied the street, as there was a mass exodus of people walking north from the downtown area. Some were covered in soot, some with blood on their clothing and skin, and everyone had sullen looks on their faces. The eerie thing about it was that there were thousands of people, yet they were all silent. I can’t imagine what some of these people had gone through. Instead of two majestic towers rising from the horizon, I only saw dark smoke billowing in the air. They weren’t there. “It’s not there anymore,” I said aloud. I just stopped and could not believe my eyes. I wasn’t down at Ground Zero but by the looks of the scene 90 blocks away; it must have been horrible.
I was like a lost puppy, walking aimlessly to trying to find something that looked familiar. I really didn’t know where I was. We walked a few blocks north before walking east to avoid Rockefeller Plaza, which we heard had been evacuated. As we made our way east, every avenue we crossed, we slowly turned our heads southward, gazing at the unbelievable scene. Delis along the avenues had begun to provide people with water and free sandwiches. Most of these people walked all the way from downtown since there was no other way to get home. Every avenue: 5th, Madison, Park, Lexington, 3rd, was packed with people walking northward. They had walked 90 blocks and some still had many more to go. I was thankful to have only walked 15 blocks home.
2:30pm
My co-worker Nancy did not want to stay at home alone since her roommate was staying with another friend, so she came to my place. Plus, I don’t think I would have liked being alone that day. I needed to be around other people to cope. I finally felt like eating lunch so I grabbed a deli sandwich. All of the streets in my neighborhood were blocked off to secure the U.N. building. I asked a policeman in the area if he thought it was alright to be in the area with the Headquarters being so close and the threat of more attacks. He responded, “As long as I am on duty, of course you are safe.” That really wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear but I was already convinced we would be safe. I could hear other people in my apartment building so I felt a little better. After lunch, we were both so emotionally drained that we both fell asleep.
5:30pm
The television was still on and I just watched as all the news had been unfolding all day long. My cell phone began working again so I called my parents and spoke with them for a while. I also called several close friends to describe what I had been through earlier.
7:30pm
I began to get cabin fever and had to get out of my apartment. Nancy didn’t want to stay at her apartment alone overnight so I offered for her to stay over since I have a pull out couch. We went to her place to get some of her clothes and then got a movie on the way back to my apartment. We ordered dinner in but never got to the movie since we were glued to the news.
11:30pm
Nancy’s roommate eventually came home so I decided to walk her home. The streets were bare. I have never seen 2nd Avenue as quiet and lonely as it was. No cars were on the streets. There usually are people out and about at all hours of the evening but this night there was absolutely no one. We walked six blocks and only passed one person. It was very eerie for New York City. I never have really ever felt scared walking the streets in New York at night but that night I constantly had to watch my back. I arrived home safely and fell asleep from my very emotional and exhausting day. I am still wondering when I will wake up from this horrible nightmare.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
I didn’t think I had to go into work today but I had to call my colleagues to make sure. Since I was still new, I really didn’t have their cell numbers so I had to leave voice mails. The general UBS PaineWebber information hotline said that only employees who are “critical” and can easily commute should report to work. I figured since I had just started my new position on Monday that I wasn’t “critical”. Plus, Mayor Rudy Giuliani urged all New Yorkers to stay home today if they could. I have been really impressed with the way he has handled the entire situation and the majority of New Yorkers don’t want to see his term end and are thinking about amending the bylaws for the upcoming mayoral race so he can continue to lead the city. I received a call back from my colleagues verifying that we didn’t have to report to work today but business is as usual tomorrow. I shut my alarm off and slept in.
It was another gorgeous day and after I woke up at 11:00am, I felt the need to get out of my apartment and do something. There was no way I could turn my television on and hear the depressing news. Nancy, her roommate, and I went and grabbed bagels and coffee and walked to a nearby park along the East River where we sat and relaxed. All of the waterways surrounding Manhattan were closed off so the East River, which is typically a busy waterway, was free of vessels.
As we were sitting in the hot sun, the wind shifted to a northward direction and we began to smell the smoke from downtown. After breathing several times, my throat began to ache, so we decided it was time to leave. The smell of the smoke was depressing because it brought back all the events we experienced the day before. We walked back to Nancy’s apartment and watched a movie. We ate chocolate chip cookies with milk to help ease our thoughts. After the movie ended, I walked home and spent the rest of the evening watching the news. I became really bored, but couldn’t work up enough energy to do anything.
Thursday, September 13, 2001
The bond market re-opened for a short trading session of 10am-2pm. Business was very slow as people were still trying to assess everything and begin to come to terms with everything that had happened. There wasn’t much trading done, but you have to begin somewhere. Miraculous stories were being shared throughout the office. One story was of a man who jumped out of the World Trade Center North Tower from the 75th floor and lived because he jumped at the perfect time that as he fell, the south tower was collapsing, pushing a large upward draft of air cushioning his fall. He only broke both legs. We heard about a man that was on the 86th floor and he rode the building down as it was collapsing and lived. They pulled him from the rubble hours after the rescue workers arrived on the scene. Of course there were horror stories but we have all heard many of those by now.
At lunchtime, the streets around the midtown area were over-crowded because several financial firms like Bear Stearns, J.P Morgan Chase, and the McGraw-Hill building all were evacuated because of bomb scares. I brought my lunch back to my desk and the building’s fire marshal came over the loudspeaker and said, “Attention, attention. This is the building’s fire marshal. We are aware of the evacuations of neighboring buildings. We want to let you know there is no threat at this building. Please stay at your desks.” That was really frightening, especially after what we have been through all week. Many bomb threats have popped up all over the city since Tuesday.
I realized that I must move on from this horrible tragedy. So after work, I decided to meet up with a friend for drinks. I kept questioning myself whether this was the right thing to do, and came to the conclusion that I had to begin to do the normal things I did before September 11th. I am really glad I went out because it took my mind off everything. The atmosphere was very lively and young which greatly helped. And they even extended Happy Hour as a gesture to help people get out and return to some sense of normalcy. After several drinks, I grabbed some dinner and headed home. I turned on the television to catch any late developments and turned out the lights.
BOOM! At 1:30am, I was awaken by loud booms and bright flashes of light. Bombs, I immediately thought. New York City was being bombed all over the city, but most of it was happening downtown where the World Trade Center once stood. The loud noises happened in random sequences. I was reminded of the images I saw during the Persian Gulf War of Baghdad’s skyline at night being lit up by bombs and seeing bright flashes all over the ground. I literally leaped out of bed, put on some clothes, and put on my shoes. I flipped the television on to see if there was any breaking news. Nothing. That was weird. Then I went up to my window and looked down at the street light below and realized it was raining. It was lightning and thunder. I could have sworn we were being bombed, especially since the thunder and lightning was synchronized and the storm was very close. The flashes of light were the brightest I have ever seen and the thunder immediately crashed. It sounded exactly like bombs going off, even after I realized it was just a storm. I broke out into a cold sweat and had to talk to someone. I called my mother to tell her what just happened and to calm down. I couldn’t really sleep the rest of the night. I think that was the moment I was scared the most during this entire tragedy. It is hard to think that this small (or maybe larger) group of people can affect the world and its tenants in such a horrible way.
Friday, September 14, 2001
Fridays are usually slow days, let alone this all happened. Needless to say, Friday was extremely slow. I got off work at 3:30 and decided to try and cheer myself up. I went shopping in Rockefeller Center at JCrew and bought a couple of work shirts. It felt good to spend money and it helped me feel normal once again. I rode the bus home for the first time since Tuesday. This bus route has been altered since it usually makes it turn close to the U.N. Building but now they have blocked off all roads in the area around the U.N. building so the bus is rerouted for several blocks.
I sat in front of the television in the early evening bored. I had no motivation to do anything but relax. At around 7:00pm, several people began to gather on the sidewalks below with white candles to honor those lost in the attacks. I watched below as the sun went down and their candles shined very bright. I decided to go walk around the neighborhood and then grab some dinner. People everywhere were holding candles. Small children had them, people walking had them, and many stood outside of their apartment buildings with candles. The spirits of those who perished were celebrated throughout the world. I began to get lonely walking around by myself. I grabbed a bite to eat a local diner and decided to stay home that night. To not feel lonely, I got out some old videos that I had brought back with me when I went home for my sister’s wedding two weekends ago. My parents made a video of all of my birthday celebrations beginning with my sixth birthday party. It made me laugh. As I watch familiar faces, I soon lost the feeling of loneliness. What was really strange was that at my 8th birthday party, as I was opening up my gifts, my mother told my uncle that as I get older, I want bigger things. My uncle jokingly replied, “Yea, before you know it, he will be asking for larger gifts, like stocks and bonds.” There was a pause. Then he said, “Watch, he probably will be working on Wall Street by the time he is 20.” I rewound the video many times to hear that again. I guess my uncle knew what he was talking about.
Saturday, September 15, 2001
I slept in late on Saturday. It was well needed after such an emotional week. I walked to up 5th Avenue with a smile on my face. It is amazing to see the patriotism here in the city. Every business had large flags hanging outside of their shops. Saks Fifth Avenue removed all their mannequins from the store windows and replaced the empty spaces with a black background and floor covering. Words on every store window said, “We Will Overcome.” People had flags hanging out of their backpacks, back pockets, and some were holding them in their hands. Some wore clothing that contained the flag. Most every taxi had a flag attached to the car somewhere. All the city buses had a large flag stuck on the side of the window. The city has literally been painted red, white, and blue. It is such a great feeling to see everyone come together like this. America is united. I am proud to be an American. That makes me smile and feel great inside.
I went out with friends for a late dinner and drinks. It was good to go out again. My soul is healing.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
I spent most of this beautiful day reflecting the previous week and writing in my journal. I found a quiet place near a beautiful garden with a waterfall and sat in a sunny spot taking in the day.
As I have been doing now for two months, I attended the 7pm church service at St. Bartholomew’s Church on Park Avenue. They have a great service every Sunday evening called “Come as you are,” and you can literally come in shorts or jeans if you want and no one cares. People are extremely friendly and I have gotten to know a few people already. This week, I felt especially compelled to attend the ceremony and pray for the world. The service was very moving as we sang songs “Amazing Grace” and “On Eagles Wings.” At the very end of the service, the priest asked for a volunteer to get the American flag in the corner and bring it in front of the altar. Everyone in the entire church came forward to get a candle and circled around the flag. With all candles lit, we sang the National Anthem. As we sang, everyone began to raise their candle up to the flag and tears came to my eyes. It was very moving. After the song was over, we all followed the flag and walked a couple blocks to a local fire station where they had lost 8 of their members. We donated the offering and food that was prepared to the firefighters and thanked them for all of their hard work. With our candles still lit, we had a special prayer session in front of the fire station and the remaining men of the station watching on. They had made a special memorial outside of the station with each of the 8 firemen’s photos hanging. Dozens upon dozens of flowers filled the sidewalk. Notes from loved ones were taped to the building. The American flag hung at the garage entrance. We ended the service with two very moving songs, “We Shall Overcome” and “God Bless America.”
The feelings I have endured throughout the past week will never be forgotten. I pray for the families and friends of people who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. Someone wrote to me on that tragic day, “The world just got scary.” I pray for all peoples of the world and hope they never have to go through this. We must move on, but move on cautiously. We have so much to be thankful for. God Bless America.