This article is part of the series “One Moment At A Time” about my family’s journey as we help my mother fight brain cancer. Feel free to subscribe below to receive periodic updates about our journey in your email inbox. Thank you for your continued support during this challenging life moment.
UNEXPECTED BOND
It’s funny how life works out. I had been traveling for thirteen months around the world and decided to travel back home from Bali for Thanksgiving. I planned to stay with my sister since she moved into a lovely new home in Bryan, Ohio, earlier this year where I have my own bedroom and can play the role of “manny” for my niece and nephew when they are around. My goal was to stay in the Northwest Ohio / Northeast Indiana area for a couple of months to finish the last two chapters of my memoir so I could send the finished book to an editor before publishing the final version in early January.
Little did I realize at the time how much of a blessing it was to not have any flights or definitive travel plans booked for 2019. And that I had already left my corporate life behind last year to now have time to stay at my mother’s house full time to help her through this new journey.
My mother’s husband, Mike, and I have been with my mother every day. My sister has a full time job and comes over to be with my mom after work most nights while managing different schedules with her children. And while I have become the “project manager” for my mother’s situation, I have also kept a watchful eye out for Mike. It is hard for all of us to fathom that this is happening to my mother. And through all of this new experience, Mike and I have begun to develop a bond that we never expected to create.
Mike and I have worked out a great system where he can wake up with my mother, make her breakfast and have some quiet time alone in the morning before I wake up. And in the afternoon, Mike can run errands while I watch after mom. In the evenings we have dinner together and usually along with my sister, help prepare my mother for sleep.
ME TIME
But my real break comes in the evening after we put my mother to sleep around seven or eight at night. I use this time to drive into Angola to get a workout in at the gym. I need some form of stress release. Some nights I have a great workout and other nights it is hard to push myself thinking about my mom.
After a mediocre workout a several nights ago, I got back into my mom’s SUV to drive back to her house. I was driving down the dark country road and 80’s songs came on the radio. The songs took me back when I was at the skating rink back in the early 90s. Slow-skating, holding hands with some girl crushes (but probably more just friends). After the last slow skate of the night, my mother was always there to pick my sister and I up. I can still feel the comfort of my mom’s beautiful smile as we got into the car and she asked us how our night had gone.
It seems like everything lately is reminding me of all the times when my mom was there for my sister and I. She loved us so much. She would do anything for us. And she is still with us today. Such a blessing to remember.
My mother’s house is located along a quiet, rural lake where most of the neighbors only visit during the summer weekends. I drove up the narrow dirt (and now muddy) lane and parked in the garage after arriving back from the twenty minute drive. I stayed up later than usual working on my laptop in the large, open basement space positioned directly below my mother’s room. The room was still and the only sound I could hear was the clicking noise from the keys on my laptop as I typed. I was creating organizational checklists to help all of my mother’s caregivers communicate and stay up to date with things like her bathroom visits, medication schedules, food intake, superfoods that are needed every day, etc.
As I was typing, I heard a faint crack in the ceiling above me. We’ve always known the crack in the floor occurred as we moved around in certain areas of the house. Someone was moving around upstairs. I quickly looked over at the clock on the wall surprised that I was looking at an analog clock instead of my cell phone for the time. The clock read 11:35 and I had become so enveloped in what I was working on that I slightly missed my mother’s late night medication time.
I went upstairs, turned on the hallway light and slowly cracked my mother’s bedroom door to see if she was in her bed. Just as I noticed her bed was empty, I heard “hi honey” coming from her dark en suite bathroom. After she finished going to the bathroom, I walked her back to her bed and gave her the nightly steroid and chemo treatment.
“I’m hungry,” she said to me at the edge of her bed before getting back in. I told her that she isn’t supposed to have food with the medication since it will make her stomach upset. She heard me but then told me again “I’m hungry.”
“Let’s get back into bed and go back to sleep,” I said trying to change the subject. Without saying a word, she put her knee up on the high bed and crawled back onto her king-sized mattress, slowly adjusting herself. Once she was settled, I pulled up the covers, tucked her in, and kissed her forehead for a nice rest.
It had been a couple days since I last showered due to Christmas and beginning my mother’s treatment over the days that followed. With my mom resting, it was time to relax. I turned up the water temperature and stood with my back to the shower head letting the water pelt my exhausted body. Steam was swirling around me. I felt like I was standing in a steam room.
After I got out of the shower, I opened the bathroom door that led into the open, downstairs space so the steam would quickly disappear. The cool air hit my body to cool me down from the most amazing shower that I have had in a long time.
SILLY GOOSE
As I was toweling off, I heard a faint ruffling noise coming from the kitchen upstairs that sounded like aluminum foil being unwrapped. I stopped all movements and held my breath listening to any other noises that may occur. My body immediately tensed up when I heard the refrigerator door shut. If Mike was awake, why would he be rustling with aluminum foil at 12:45am?
I quickly dried off the rest of my body, threw on my clothes as fast as I could and scurried up the stairs. I opened the basement door that led into the kitchen and immediately noticed the light was on. Mom was standing in front of the stove eating a cold turkey burger that was once wrapped in aluminum foil.
“Mmm, this is so good,” she said looking up at me a second after I had walked into the kitchen. I looked at the kitchen table located several feet behind her and saw an opened bottle of Hidden Valley ranch dressing sitting on a paper towel. It looked as if she had poured some ranch onto the paper towel. A butter knife was laying on the table next to the paper towel with some streaks of ranch dressing on it like it had been licked. I looked over at the counter behind where she was standing and saw a paper plate with some silverware perfectly placed on top of the plate. The paper plates were located in a pantry next to the refrigerator so she must have been moving around quite a lot before I heard her.
“What’s going on?” I said with a cracked smile towards my mother. It felt like I had just caught a cute little child that had just gone through the kitchen pulling out things they weren’t supposed to and eating forbidden foods. “You aren’t supposed to have any food with your medicine Mom,” I reminded her.
“I’m hungry,” she kept saying not fully understanding the consequences of food intake with her potent medication. I began caressing her back with my hand, watched her take one more bite of the cold, cooked turkey meat and then gently took the remaining portion from her hand.
As I was trying to figure out what to do, I thought back to our initial oncology appointment and remember listening to the team tell us about the side effects of Temodar, the chemo medication. I remember the nurse saying that it was suggested to not have food in the stomach while taking the Temodar since it will make the person very nauseous or could make the person vomit.
As I helped her sit down at the table and moved the ranch dressing to the countertop, I thought through the pros and the cons of giving her food. I read through the prescription documentation and it was suggested that the patient does not have any food but it never said they couldn’t. I looked over at my mom and smiled at her. She was patiently waiting for me to help her eat something and she smiled back. Her medicine was digested over an hour ago so I didn’t think a lighter meal would cause any discomfort.
“How about a smoothie?” I asked her. Her eyes lit up like a child being told they can have candy. I quickly pulled together all the ingredients of a healthy smoothie. Almond milk. Kefir. Kale. Strawberries. Blueberries. Walnuts. Ginger powder. Chia seeds. Chocolate protein powder. I carried the blender downstairs to blend everything so Mike wouldn’t be disturbed. And I came back upstairs, poured the thick mixture into a large cup and handed it to my mom.
I sat down across from her at the small, circular kitchen table and watched her slowly tip up the cup swallowing the first sips of the tasty, purple looking smoothie mixture. Her eyes opened up widely as she swallowed. “Mmmm. So good,” she said as she completed her first swallow. We sat in silence as I watched her continue taking gulps of her smoothie.
I began to giggle out loud and shook my head side to side thinking back through the past ten minutes. “You are a silly goose,” I said to her. She giggled back at me and smiled. I smiled back and thought to myself that this will be a moment to remember with my mom. To know that I am here at this point in my life experiencing these genuine moments every day (and night) with her. I was happy knowing she was happy! One moment at a time.
I plan to continue to write about this new life journey. It is a tough topic to write about but I feel writing will be a great emotional release for me and could help others along the way going through something similar. If you would like to receive a weekly update, feel free to enter your email and sign up below.
You know…you were here at this perfect time…for a reason. God put you here Cory. He knew that your Mom would need a perfect project manager, such as you are. I had to giggle at the ingredients of the smoothie. Of course you put chocolate powder in it…we all know how much Mel loves her chocolate! Continued prayers for you all, especially our sweet and beautiful Mel!
I love this memory of your mother that you will always have! Mel’s giggles are the very best!