Personal Leave of Absence

We frequently hear Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote “life is a journey not a destination”.  And we have probably heard it or read it many times that it has become easy to agree with it and not think any deeper about what that means in your life.  But rereading the phrase, the words ring very true to me.  We spend most of our adult lives working, planning, and going about our lives in an autopilot kind of way.  For most of us, we don’t really stop frequently (or even every day) to appreciate what we have at this moment.  And at times in our lives we do stop and pause, but how often do we do this? Do we only think about the journey during the peaks and valleys of our life flow, those times when we have extreme moments of happiness or extreme moments of sadness? Do we pause during the everyday moments like when we are preparing food or commuting somewhere or sitting down to relax?  At times I have, but I know a good reminder is needed to pause.

HOW DID I GET HERE?

I look back at the beginning of my “career” in the summer of 2001 and remember the 22 year old me just starting out in New York.  I was so focused on the destination. Starting out in investment banking for a top Wall Street firm and hungry to achieve the title of Chief Executive Officer for a well-known company at the peak of my career at some point in the future. And after three years of consistent 80-90 hour work weeks as an investment banker, I quickly became burnt out and experienced my first taste of leaving my job, income, benefits, and status to travel the world: my first mini-retirement. Upon returning after three months with a new perspective, I dabbled with several different experiences in an attempt to figure out what I should do next: political campaign, operating a small dot.com (I had achieved my title of CEO so quickly), and even becoming a real estate agent.

I had lost my “career” passion somehow in the first five years of my career and New York had wore me down. I left New York in June 2006 and  said I would never move back to New York again. I landed a great internal consulting position for Valpak, a direct marketing company, in Florida and I completed an MBA while working full time. However after five years of constant sunshine, I wanted to be closer to my family located in northeast Indiana and northwest Ohio.  And I also yearned to find a partner and one day potentially starting a family. I felt a larger, urban environment would set me up for future relationship success. In April of 2011, I moved to Chicago starting a great career with PepsiCo.

After five years in Chicago, I was enjoying being closer to my family and enjoyed a two and a half year relationship that didn’t work out.  A year after my previous relationship ended, I entered into a long distance relationship with someone in New York.  And then a global strategy role became available at PepsiCo’s global headquarters in New York. I had spent most of my career in finance so I was thrilled to obtain a new experience with a promotion and I moved to New York in January of 2017.

This was quite some journey! However some subconscious undercurrents were taking place over time during the later part of this journey.

1. I began to become very burned out with my career.  The corporate lifestyle full of urgent requests, PowerPoint templates to be filled out (my team generating many of them), countless alignment meetings and “drive bys” of conversations that didn’t necessarily lead to anything, had wore me down. And I have had this yearning for many years to become more entrepreneurial and take better control my own path vs. the corporate path. But the corporate “parachute” hold is a very secure path to a destination of retirement. From a cushy corporate salary and a progressive bonus structure to great benefits to the status of working for a Fortune 50 company to having the opportunity to move into diverse roles and building different skills. The parachute is a nice, safe and secure glide to the destination. But what I need is to cut the parachute ropes and free fall. Free fall until I figure out how to land with out the corporate securities. I believe the only way to follow your passions and yearnings is to try and learn from your experiences.
2. I entered a long distance relationship and took many risks by doing so.  I broke some rules I said that I would never break. But I broke them because my heart believed in what it was.  I struggled during the relationship and I hoped my move to New York would eliminate some of the hurdles we encountered. Unfortunately being together in the same city was not enough to overcome my struggles and we ended the relationship in August of 2017. I am 38 and single. Something I never thought I would be or wanted at this point in my life.

MY OWN EAT. PRAY. LOVE

During a two week vacation that began four weeks after my relationship ended (a vacation we were supposed to take as a couple), the two undercurrents surfaced and grabbed ahold of me strongly. Thank goodness I was in Bali channeling my inner Julia Roberts in Eat. Pray. Love. (And I even crashed a motor scooter in the middle of a small village but there was no Javier Bardem to help me back up after scraping my leg up). I did meet a new friend on a very similar path and had many deep conversations about my subconscious undercurrents which helped me face each of them instead of pushing them away as I had been doing.

I felt so empowered after my full experience in Bali that it woke me up from autopilot. Don’t get me wrong, I have lived an incredible life thus far, however am I truly happy with being me? Am I living an authentic life for me and not for someone else? Am I kind to myself? Am I following a passion not to have a “career” but to truly love what I do each day? Am I content with being single again at an age I didn’t expect to be single? Have I really paused to appreciate the journey each day?

IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST

I arrived back in the states after my trip and had trouble re-adjusting to the time zone. On the first Monday back to work, I lay wide awake in the darkness at 3am thinking through the undercurrents and how each will impact my future. I thought through what I had learned over the last two weeks. I got up out of bed and went to the company intranet site and searched for “Personal Leave of Absence”. Buried in the Benefits section, I found the policy. I read that any eligible employee can ask to take an unpaid personal leave of absence from the company for up to six months for a valid reason while still receiving the same health benefits at the same cost. And the employee can come back to the same or similar role at the end of the absence.

It didn’t take me very long to decide what I was going to do. I am burnt out after working for the past 12 years consecutively taking only 1-2 vacation weeks here and there as breaks. I have saved up over the years and could afford to not have an income for six months (although I would need to offload my Manhattan apartment somehow in the middle of a two year lease). I am ready to think about potential entrepreneurial opportunities. I want to see as much of the world at my age instead of “waiting for retirement” when I may be at an age that I am not able to be as active as I am now. I am single. And it will be cheaper and easier to go alone for this long of a time frame than going with a future partner and family.

The day after returning from vacation (September 26) I had an appointment with my HR representative to discuss my situation and she received the news much better than I thought. She encouraged me to do it. And all I needed was approval from my manager. I immediately sent a note to my landlord asking if I could get out of my lease. My landlord agreed to look for a tenant. Three weeks from my initial conversation with HR (October 17) was my last day at PepsiCo for my leave of absence. And two weeks later from my last day at PepsiCo, I moved out of my apartment (and got out of my lease), moved all of my belongings into a storage unit, and flew to Buenos Aries to begin my adventures!! My goal is to visit every continent in the Southern Hemisphere over the next six months and share my experiences along the way.

WHERE DO I GO NOW?

I am continuing my journey by starting up this blog. My blog is intended to authentically heal and re-discover myself one moment at a time through writing. But I feel that what I am going through and what I will learn along the way could help others. I am not someone who typically shares my life experiences with strangers and I consider myself a simple guy (very Taurus trait). But I feel empowered at this point in my life to try new things and cut the corporate parachute strongholds. This blog could lead to new opportunities and paths along the journey that I never would have found if I didn’t share my story.  And hopefully it can empower you along your own journey. And to truly enjoy the journey as it happens.