TEARS IN VIETNAM
As the small taxi pulled away on a narrow, elevated driveway leading out of beautiful green rice fields on both sides, I waved goodbye to the family who welcomed me into their home because there were no other places to stay in the village the night before. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked out over the beautiful landscape thinking about the unforgettable moments I shared with them knowing that I most likely won’t see them again.
Just the night before we were sitting on the floor in a circle on a large Chinese mat sharing a traditional Vietnamese meal together. Laughter. Smiles. Wholesome goodness. Most of the three generations of the same family didn’t speak English but it didn’t matter. We were living in the present moment. And the owner of the homestay was pouring me shot after shot of rice wine to take with him. “Ha. Bai. Yo,” we would say, which means “Two. Three. Cheers (or drink).” We both were warm and fuzzy after about 15 shots.
I felt like I was part of their family. Like the owner was my brother. And it was a typical Saturday evening family dinner. It was a connection that doesn’t happen all that often. But it did with this family.
….
SCAMMED IN BALI
It was 4:30am. I had woken up early to catch a 7:00am flight out of Bali. I wasn’t staying in the main beach area but chose for a quieter community called Canggu which was further from the airport. I was told by the hotel staff that it shouldn’t be a problem to get an uber at the early hour.
My bags were packed and I opened the Uber app. Awesome, there was one available taxi nearby. The driver accepted and I proceeded to head down to the quiet street below. The hotel reception was dark and no one was around. Uber is the cheapest option by far and the estimated fare was going to be 85,000 Indonesian Rupiah (idr), which is about $6 USD. It wasn’t a bad price for a 30 minute taxi ride to the airport.
When I looked at my app to see how far the driver was away, the app showed the driver hadn’t gotten any closer. And I also saw a WhatsApp message pop up “where are you going?” It was the uber driver. So I told him I needed to go to the airport.
“Pay me 300,000 idr to go to the airport.” He wrote back.
“What?? That is ridiculous. That is over 3x the quoted price,” I told him and I canceled the ride. He tried calling me on WhatsApp and I ignored the call. And I went back to the Uber app to find a new ride. I saw another car available and that car picked up my request. But it was the same driver. He had just moved to a different location. Tricky.
“I am your only option in this area,” he wrote me. I was furious. So I canceled again. He tried calling me on WhatsApp and said I should take his offer. I tried to find another Uber but now he was purposefully picking up my subsequent uber requests. He eventually lowered his offer to 250,000 idr but I was so angry because he wouldn’t let the new uber requests go to a different driver.
After the sixth Uber cancellation of the same driver, the Uber app locked me out of ordering another taxi. And by now, 20 minutes had gone by and it was getting very close to the point that I needed to get to the airport or I would miss my flight.
I decided to download another local taxi app that I used the last time I was in Bali and accepted credit cards since I had no local cash. Of course the Wi-Fi was extremely slow. And when I tried to enter my credit card into the app, my card was blocked by my credit card company. Thank goodness for credit card security but now was not the right time.
Usually the credit card company texts me and I can approve the unknown transaction by replying to the text. But this time, I had to call. And to add further insult to injury, I called the card number using expensive international minutes ($2.00 per minute) and was put on hold.
I was frustrated. I was angry. I was nervous I would miss my flight. I was annoyed.
And at this moment of nearly breaking, an Indonesian guy came out of his room on the first floor with some luggage and came to the reception area where I was standing. I asked him if he was by chance going to the airport. He said he was and he would give me a ride.
He hopped on the Uber app and a driver came within five minutes with no hassle. No hassle because the guy was a local. Funny how that works.
It was like an angel had appeared to help me out so early in the morning with no one else around. Waiting much longer and I would have missed my flight. My new friend didn’t charge me for the ride either since it was so cheap. I almost cried again only because I was relieved. The adrenaline was pumping through my body and my heart rate had been racing. I couldn’t believe after that entire experience that I had a free trip to the airport.
…..
DO YOU HAVE A WIFE?
Sitting in a café in Hué, Vietnam, as the song ‘Collide’ by Better Than Ezra comes on. I had arrived earlier in the morning after taking an 11 hour overnight train ride from Ninh Binh in a sleeper car and slept ok. On the train I was on one of the top bunks of a four person cabin. During the journey, it began to feel like I was one of the caged animals at the zoo with many local Vietnamese people passing by the open doorway to look at me since they were curious about someone that wasn’t like them. I was one of very few non-Vietnamese.
One of the Vietnamese guys in my room spoke a little English and asked where I was from. It was nice he engaged. But he ended up translating what other people asked as they stopped by to look at me.
“Do you have a wife?” One older man asked. Another passer-by asked, “are you traveling alone?”
Of course I am used to these questions (and I even wrote about traveling alone in a posting – click here to read “Are you traveling alone?”). But even though I am used to these questions and I am an overall happy guy (click here to see my post “how do you know that you are happy?”), it begins to sink in further that I am alone while everyone is with their family.
I arrived at in Hué around 5am and took a taxi to my hotel even though my room wasn’t ready. I slept on the entry couch for a couple hours before grabbing a coffee at the small café that I sit in as I write this.
…Don’t stop here
I’ve lost my place
I’m close behind…
It is an optimistic song. Kevin Griffin, the Better Than Ezra frontman, said in a 2016 interview with Songfacts, “Collide,’ is about a person who is kind of closed off and insular and not a gregarious person, coming together with someone who is. And that despite being two different types of people, you still come together and find a common ground. And then literally colliding into one another and how life has a way of doing that.”
But the song moved me as I was scrolling through Facebook seeing many of my friends posting awesome moments about their lives. Engagement proposals of former crushes, team photos after volleyball tournaments, photos of friend’s children living and laughing. And my mother shared photos of my niece and nephew whom I haven’t seen since Christmas. I miss them dearly.
I fought hard to hold the tears back in the public café as I sat next to a family enjoying a public holiday together. The lump in my throat was large. I know that I have much to be thankful for and I even post incredible photos on Facebook of my amazing moments. But my emotions at that moment were about missing the people that I love deeply. It is about being so far away from my friends. And knowing that while I am on this fantasy journey, I am not building a life with others, but building my life on my own. I was torn.
…..
TRAVELING PRODUCES RANGE OF EMOTIONS
You know that feeling you get at the very beginning of a much anticipated vacation? When you are all packed and in the car or on the airplane with the destination as your next stop. You are tingling with excitement for something that you have waited to do for a while. You don’t quite know what to expect but you have this feeling of optimism that everything is going to be amazing!
While you are on the vacation you want it to slow down because it feels like time is going too fast. You are having such a great time disconnecting from the daily grind that you are used to. But this week or two of vacation has no meetings, no conference calls, no deadlines, and no office politics. It is just you and the people you choose to be with in some fun, exciting destination.
And then when the vacation comes to an end, you know the feeling that you get knowing you must go back to “reality”? Most likely it’s a feeling of sadness that your vacation is ending. And that it may be a while before your next vacation. When you go back into work after your vacation you tell people that the vacation was amazing but it was too short. (And then you count how many vacation days you have left for the year.)
You most likely experienced a range of emotions before, during and after your one to two week trip. But what about emotions during the course of long term travel? And the emotions experienced are much different traveling solo versus traveling with other people (and of course they are different depending on the number of people you travel with).
I never really thought much about this until about six months into my travels after realizing that I had gone through such a wide range of emotions. More emotion than I ever have in a six month period in my life. But I realized that I was living each moment to the fullest. And that I have been the most “present” in life than I ever have before.
EMOTIONS CHANGE AS TIME EVOVLES
When I decided to take a sabbatical, the emotions I experienced as I began my trip were amplified because I knew that I would be traveling longer than just a week or two. I was much more relaxed and at ease knowing I had plenty of time. And I was so thrilled to take such a long break from the corporate world.
After the first two months, the feeling was euphoric. It was freeing traveling to new places. Seeing new things for the first time. Being on your own. No Monday mornings at the office or Sunday night blues. No deadlines. No meetings. The stress was gone. It’s amazing how my body felt after taking time away from my job and left the city. I definitely felt incredible.
After three to four months into my travels I began to miss certain things like my own bed, a hot shower, or even a washcloth. I missed going to the grocery store to pick out the foods that I wanted to eat. I missed being able to call up friends to meet up for dinner or for a drink. And I missed being in one place and not having to pack up my bag to move to the next destination. But while I missed those things that I have been used to for my entire life, I was still loving the fact that I was out seeing the world. The the minor inconveniences weren’t that big of a deal.
SIX MONTHS INTO SOLO TRAVEL
When I reached six months of traveling, I couldn’t believe that I had been traveling for that long. But I had begun to get used to the inconveniences of traveling and being on the go constantly. But then small little situations began to occur which are all part of traveling for a while. And feelings come along with these situations.
- Frustrated: I accidentally left my credit card at the airport before flying to Christchurch, New Zealand. And it was frustrating because the American credit card company could overnight me a new credit card if I were in the States but it takes 7-10 business days to send it internationally. And since I only plan 4-5 days in advance, it creates a really annoying feeling because I am not sure where I will be in 7-10 business days. On top of that, I spent many minutes on an international phone call trying to figure it all out which is very expensive. “Sir, I can I place you on a brief hold to review your account?”
- Lost: Not being able to find my hotel in El Nido, Philippines, after a long boat ride and having to make a long walk along a very crowded beach in the heat.
- Sick: On the way to Malapascua Island in the Philippines a child sitting on her mother’s lap on the bus is throwing up in a clear plastic bag sitting next to me with the smell making me nauseous.
- Moist: When there is no air flow in my bungalow with extreme humidity and heat at night in Vanuatu and everything I have is damp and moist, including the sheets that I was sleeping on.
- Lonely: Seeing other couples and families eat meals with each other and realize that I am eating alone. I begin to miss my friends and family after not seeing any familiar faces in a long time.
- Emotional: While overlooking beautiful Bondi Beach, getting a call from my employer and hearing that my job has been eliminated during a reorganization. Even though this is something that I wanted, it was still sad to hear the words on the other side of the phone knowing that I was a high performer at work and that I had a very good job.
- Freaked out: Experiencing my first earthquake on a small island in the Solomon Islands when my small overwater bungalow starts violently shaking at 4am and I initially think someone is on the roof trying to break into my room in the pitch black of the night time.
- Annoyed: When ants are crawling on me while I sleep on the floor on a boat in the Solomon Islands.
- Gross: When I haven’t had a decent shower in a week because I didn’t have a wash cloth and I ran out of shampoo and soap in a hot, humid climate in Vanuatu.
- Craving: I begin to crave random foods. When I have had rice with every meal, sometimes I just want a greasy pizza.
When many situations add up, I really try to overcome the feelings. Like the time I smashed my already damaged toenail and it began to bleed. Great. Now I need to make sure it doesn’t get infected. One more thing I need to do. Or when my drone went erratic and crashed into the side of the cliff. And then the drone fell into salt water damaging the drone. Now it won’t fly. So frustrating.
And on top of all those feelings, my caring family begins to say things like “we miss you” and ask “when are you coming back home?” And hearing my niece and nephew over FaceTime ask when I am coming home or if I will be back for their birthdays. These things really tug at my heartstrings. I have this passion for traveling and am extremely happy traveling. But it is also very hard to be away from the people you love so much.
These feelings spark many internal questions that can be hard to answer:
- Should I stop traveling altogether and go back to where I came from?
- Where will I go when I am done traveling?
- With no job to go back to, what do I want to do next?
- What do I want to do with my life?
- Will I be alone forever?
INCREDIBLE FEELINGS CERTAINLY OUTSHINE ALL OTHER FEELINGS
However, while enduring many overwhelming and frustrating feelings along the journey, there are so many more incredible feelings that I have experienced which more than outweigh the not so great feelings:
- Euphoria: I can’t believe my eyes with what I am seeing like the drive to Milford Sound in New Zealand. I wish everyone could see what I was seeing.
- Carefree: Cruising around on Zodiac boats in Antarctica. Not a care in the world crossed my mind as I took in the pure air and breathtaking imagery.
- Inspired: Diving underwater to see an entirely new perspective. The sea life is incredible and inspiring.
- Thankful: Being a able to travel like I am and seeing the world!
- Awesome. When I was upgraded to a much better cruise boat to see Halong Bay and had my own room with a private balcony and private bathroom with a spa shower!
- Empowered: Meeting new people. The guy who gave me shots while having dinner in Hanoi, Vietnam, at a local street restaurant. He didn’t speak any English but we could communicate through hand gestures. Knowing there is good in the world is empowering!
- Excited: That feeling when I start out on a new adventure. The feeling ripples through my body as I anticipate what is come!
- Awestruck: Walking along the edge of an erupting volcano in Vanuatu. Experiencing the power of Earth was one of my favorite experiences!
- Happy: Sharing a recent journal entry: “I’m on a bus leaving Hanoi and heading to Sapa while listening to inspiring music! I feel so alive at 7:30am! I am alive. I am loving my life. I am really happy! I am inspired! I’m excited for the day and for my life. I feel like dancing and I am on a bus! So I dance in my seat! This is where I am supposed to be right now!”
It’s certainly been a large range of emotions felt on this journey. I’ve felt most of these feelings separately in the past but this is the first time in my life where I have felt this wide of a range of emotion in such a short time period. And I feel that I am more in tune with my feelings than I ever have in my life. I assume this is because I have time to think through what I am feeling. I am the most “present” that I have ever been in my life. I am in the moment. Feeling. Experiencing. Noticing. Being. Living.
Have you ever experienced emotions while traveling? Leave a comment below to share.
